“Fussy evenings” with a newborn

Many babies are fussy in the evening. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong, and it doesn’t mean your milk isn’t enough. In this article we look at why young babies are unsettled in the evening, what might help, and when to reach out for more support.

Summary

• From around one week old, many babies become more unsettled.
• Evenings and the early part of the night are often the hardest time.
• Crying usually peaks around 6–8 weeks.
• Breastfeeding, holding, carrying, and gentle movement can help calm most babies.
• If your baby is growing as expected, they are getting enough milk.
• If you’re worried about your baby, it’s always okay to ask for help.

On this page

What are typical evenings like, in the early weeks?

“My baby feeds all evening, and my breasts feel empty – have I run out of milk?”

“Why does my baby cry at the breast sometimes, even though they still seem hungry?”

“Every time I try to put my baby down to sleep, they cry! What am I doing wrong?”

Why is my new baby suddenly more unsettled?

In the first few days, many newborn babies sleep most of the time between feeds. This may help both of you recover from birth.

Around 10–14 days old, your baby may suddenly seem to “wake up”, and the change can feel quite dramatic. From then on, they spend more time awake, and it can take some effort to understand what they need and help them settle back to sleep.

Many young babies also have a daily “fussy period”, when they need extra soothing and comfort. This is often, though not always, in the evening or early part of the night, and may build in intensity over the following weeks, usually peaking around 6–8 weeks.

You may worry that your baby cries at the breast because something is wrong. But if they are gaining weight, having plenty of wet and dirty nappies, and are content at other times, it’s unlikely to be hunger or a breastfeeding problem.

Your baby is often waking because they have been put down. The conditions adults prefer for sleep — quiet, dark, and alone — can feel unsafe to a baby. For most of human history, a baby left alone was at risk. Your baby has an inbuilt “alarm” that goes off when they sense they are alone.

Why is my baby most unsettled in the evening or at night?

You might have noticed that your unborn baby was more active when you lay down at bedtime. Many newborns continue this pattern in the early weeks after birth.

By about six weeks, most babies begin to learn that night is for sleeping. Although they may still need to feed at night for many months, they often start to settle more quickly after a feed. You can help by taking your baby out in daylight, especially in the morning, and keeping lights low at night.

Another reason babies can be unsettled towards the end of the day is that their brains are working hard. They take in so much during the day that by evening they can feel overstimulated and need time to wind down.

In busy households, the extra activity at the end of the day can be overwhelming. And if it’s been just you and your baby all day, you may be feeling frazzled too.

Unlike adults, babies can’t simply switch off — they need help from calm, loving adults.

Why does my baby want to breastfeed so often?

Breastfeeding offers much more than just milk. A frazzled baby may seek the breast for the rhythm of sucking, the closeness of being held, and your familiar feel and smell – all of which help them feel safe and calm.

Most babies like to feed more often in the evening. Milk may flow a litle more slowly than in the morning, but this isn’t a problem – it allows plenty of calming, soothing sucking without your baby becoming uncomfortably full.

If your baby cries when you offer the breast again, it doesn’t mean it has suddenly stopped working. It’s more likely that they’ve had enough for now. The signs of hunger can look very similar to being tired, bored, overstimulated, uncomfortable, or in need of a cuddle. Your baby still needs help – just not the breast at that moment.

You can find some ideas below for soothing a frazzled baby. If you’re unsure what your baby needs, try offering the breast first. If that seems to make things worse, try something else and offer again when they are calmer.

Can my baby learn to self-soothe?

Some experts talk about the “fourth trimester” the first few months after birth, when babies’ brains are still developing rapidly. Human babies are born relatively immature compared with most other primates.

Your baby will learn to calm down and manage their own emotions when they are ready, but a young baby can’t do this yet. Responding to their needs now won’t make them “clingy”, “spoiled” or overly dependent in fact, the opposite is true. Babies whose needs are met promptly are more likely to grow into confident, secure children, because they learn that the world is a safe place and that help is there when they need it.

In the early months, if you are keeping your baby safe, fed, comfortable, and reasonably happy, you are doing a great job.

How can I get through the evening with my unsettled baby?

Here are some ideas to try:

• Hold your baby close. Babies feel safest against an adult body, especially when you are moving. Try swaying, walking, or gently dancing with your baby.
• Use a sling or carrier. Being carried meets many of the same needs as breastfeeding, and another adult can help.
• Help your baby settle if you put them down. Try warming the bed, leaving something that smells of you, rocking the crib, or resting a hand on them. Waiting about 20 minutes until they are in a deeper sleep can help.
• Go outside. Many babies are calmer outdoors.
• Create a calm environment. Try turning lights and noise down. Some babies are particularly sensitive to stimulation.
• Try different soothing techniques. Singing, rocking, walking, gentle movement, massage, or a bath may help.
• Consider safe bedsharing. Feeding lying down can mean you don’t need to move your baby once they are asleep, and you may be able to rest too.
• Accept help if you can. Another pair of arms can make a big difference.
• Be around other people. Some babies relax when there are other adults nearby. If you’re at home alone, background voices (radio or TV) can help.
• Look after yourself. Eat something, and rest earlier in the day if you can.
• Sometimes nothing seems to work. You can still comfort your baby by staying close and letting them know you are there.
• Seek support if you need it. If your baby seems in pain, contact your doctor. If you feel overwhelmed, reach out for help.

How can I tell if something more is going on?

Most unsettled behaviour in young babies is normal, especially in the early weeks. Babies who are feeding frequently and growing well are usually getting enough milk.

If you’re unsure, it’s always okay to check. If your baby was born early, is unwell, or if you have any concerns about feeding or growth, speak to your midwife, health visitor, doctor, or a breastfeeding supporter.

You may also find it helpful to read about signs your baby is getting enough milk.

If you do notice any signs that your baby may need more milk, seek further support from a healthcare professional or a breastfeeding supporter.

How will I get through this?

You are working enormously hard to understand and meet your baby’s needs. Every baby is different, and you are becoming an expert on your baby. There is no “right” or “wrong” way to be with your baby, any more than there is with a partner or friend – only what works for you both, today.

This can feel daunting at first (if only babies came with an instruction manual!), but over time you will feel more able to try different ways of calming your baby – and even come up with your own. As the weeks go by, you will become more confident in knowing when your baby is OK and when to seek help. As your baby grows, the world – and their own sensations – will feel less overwhelming.

These early weeks, which can feel like “forever”, will pass. Before long, you may find yourself supporting a newer parent who is wondering how they will get through it – because you did!

If this article has helped you, please consider supporting LLLGB with a donation. Every gift, however small, helps keep breastfeeding information and support flowing